Would You Wanna Be 100?!?!

On KSL today, I found a story about a lady who is 100 years old. I know she’s really not even close to the oldest person on earth, but she is way up there!

So, would you wanna live to be 100? My answer is yes — but with considerations.

I would have to be healthy. I mean, healthy, healthy, healthy. I wouldn’t want strokes, heart problems, bladder or cancer problems. I would want to be living on my own – or with my still beautiful, still full of life wife – and not rely on anyone. I would NOT want to be in a home, with amnesia, a catheter, or taking 1,592 pills a day. Ya dig?

Take a look at this beautiful 100 year old woman! If I look half as good as she does at 75 I’ll be as surprised as a the nation that BYU is ranked in the top 10. More on that for the ROTD. Really though, good for this woman for having such a great spirit, energy, and lifestyle. I would love to live to be 100 if I was in such great shape.

Imagine the stories we would have to tell! Wrestling Anaconda’s in the Amazon! Running from wild boar in Africa! Maybe even skydiving with your lover for your 50th anniversary! MMMMHMMM. I just said that!

Good for you ma’am, you keep on kicking!

ROTD time. BYU and that national championship discussion is about at ludicrous as me saying I’m going to knockout Brock Lesnar. And in case you’re not a big UFC fan that dude is as big and crazy as they come. In other words, no chance.

They beat an Oklahoma team that was unprepared, unconditioned, and hurt. Their NFL caliber QB got smashed and couldn’t return. Big freakin’ deal. Don’t get me wrong, I think BYU looks great, and I may even consider watching more than a game or two this year, but to say they are going to repeat from 1985 is nuts.

Have you seen Florida? How about USC? Tune into Miami’s whooping last night? Those are just 3 teams that would, in my humble opinion, bust BYU into a million pieces. Sorry pops.

I do like that fact that our home teams are starting to get some national attention, though. Ever since good ol’ Urban Meyer went to Florida and LaVell Edwards retired Utah and BYU football has been forgotten. Not anymore my friends, not anymore! We’re back on the map! Good for us.

SOTD. You’ll recognize this one. It’s fun and catchy. Sorry for getting it in your heads on this Friday afternoon, but it has a great message, I think.

You Got A Friend In ME!!!!!

Happy Friday friends, do something fun!

PS — 2 new videos coming within the hour. 1 re-do, 1 new.

Mohawks and Cadillacs

On my casual drive to work today, I came across a broken down truck. It was no ordinary truck, for a couple reasons — which is why I stopped. First reason being that I drove the exact make and model of the truck for my first vehicle. A 1992 Ford F-150. What a truck that was let me tell you!

Unlike this truck today, mine never broke down. Well, accept for that one time I dropped the tranny. Or when I got stuck in a puddle and got the distributors wet — or that winter when I was trying to climb the icy hill and slid backwards 100 feet before getting high centered 15 feet from a crazy ass cliff. Oh and when I get it stuck between gears while doing doughnuts up the canyon wasn’t real cool either. All in all though, that sucker shouldn’t have ran half the time because of the beatings I produced.

Back to the story (damn ADD again), this kid obviously treated his truck close to the way I used to treat mine. He couldn’t use the outside handle, he had to reach in through the little triangular window. He had more scratches than McDonalds scratch and win Monopoly cups, and had no interior seat covers. Yes, the cloth on his entire bench seat was nowhere to be found.

The kid was obviously sitting their for a while, as he was in the bed of his truck. When I stopped to ask if he was broken down he said, “No, I’m out of gas” as if I was burdening him. I replied, “Well, I live a few minutes away, I can get some gas and be right back.”

“I don’t know what to do, I need to get to school and I don’t have any gas to get there.”

“Well I can pull you around the corner to the that parking lot and then take you to school. You can work out how to get your truck after school if you want me to.”

“I don’t know what to do, I need to get to school.”

“Yeah, bro, that’s what you said. Why don’t you stay here, I’ll go get some gas, then you can drive to school, alright?”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“Yeah well sitting in the bed of your truck isn’t the right answer”. (as if he had any other options right) Why don’t you wait here and I’ll get some gas. I’ll be 10 minutes, tops.”

So as I’m driving home to get my premium motorcycle gas (he better be thankful) I was wondering why no one else stopped. I came up with 2 reasons. 1) Mormons aren’t as nice as everyone thinks they are. And 2) the idiot had a mohawk that looked something like this one. In fact it might be the same kid. I should use the work idiot lightly because if my job permitted it, I may be sporting a killer mohawk too.

When I arrive with my gas the kid somehow figures life out and thanks me at least 38 times. At least. I was glad to help him and see him on his way. Little did he know he brought back great memories of me pulling a port-o-potty around a parking lot with my buddy Paul surfing on it. A-W-E-S-O-M-E. That kid did good things for me today.

ROTD time. No, that wasn’t the ROTD.

I go to the gas station for a pick me up this afternoon and see a Slim Shady looking guy walking behind me… way behind me. I get to the door and hold it open for him to catch up for a good 7 or 8 seconds, right? So he throws it open after me and storms in the place. I chuckle to myself, say some things in my head that I won’t utter here, and proceed to find my items.

While I have the glass door open, and deciding exactly what kind of horribly-bad-for-you energy drink I wanted (didn’t feel like coffee today), he walks right in and grabs something from my door, as if I was holding it for him. No “excuse me”, not “can I grab something real fast”. Just storms his happy ass in and grabs a drink. I asked him if he was in a hurry, bro — and I heard him say, “I ain’t cho bro” followed by an expletive.

Now, I realize I could mop the floor with this dude, but instead I laugh, once again — much louder this time, and walk to the counter. My stuff was a couple bucks so I pay with a $10 and tell the lady to keep the change for the guy with the sideways hat and chain. I smile and walk out.

As I’m driving down the road, I see the guy with the sideways hat and chain pull up to me in his lowered, 1988 Cadillac with 22’s. He rolls down his window and waves and I see his mouth say thanks.

You’re welcome buddy, hopefully someday you’ll find yourself.

Kill ‘em with kindness, friends. Kill ‘em with kindness.

SOTD

No story needed here. I think we need take a good long listen this song.

Blinking Frenzy!!

I just got done doing my newest video for work. I didn’t notice until I got home and uploaded it to my computer how many times I blinked. I blinked more than once per second — what an IDIOT!! I think it’s funny actually

Watch it below and I want you to comment. Do you think I should record a new one, or keep this one? Let me know, seriously I want everyone to comment and I will make my decision based on my feedback.

Don’t laugh at me, laugh with me!!

David at the Dentist

This is one of my favorite videos on YouTube. I remember what it was like to get the gas from the good ‘ol dentist for the first time. Actually, what I remember is getting yelled at by the dentist because I was huffing it so hard I was passing out.

Little did I know that would be a serious foreshadowing!

Enjoy! Happy Tuesday!

Laugh or Puke… Laugh or Puke…

I have to share this and I have to share it right now. My brother has crippled my mind tonight. Many of you don’t know my brother — I can sum him up in one word — hilarious! As a matter of fact, I just showed my little sister this video and she said, and I quote, “It makes you wonder how Case even found this video. But then you realize, it’s Case, and, that’s what he does.”

I don’t know when he stumbled on this little treasure, and part of me wishes he hadn’t. I’m going to warn you, yes warn you after I’ve posted a link, you may be disturbed by what you are about to see and I don’t blame you for that.

Before you get all bent out of shape about me making fun of this guy, take a second and realize he is making fun of his own fat ass by putting a video like that on YouTube. So don’t judge me for judging him. It’s all part of the fun.

I haven’t ROTD’ed for a while. It’s time my friends.

Wal-mart. Everything that is wrong with our country can be summed up by that name. Wal-mart. Is the M supposed to be capital? I don’t really care, actually. Don’t get me wrong, I go to Wally World all the time. They have such fun things, especially near the cash register.

The other day I was looking for some CO2 to try a car dent experiment (don’t believe the myth), and could only find it in a JUMBO ass bottle. They give you a 12 year supply of keyboard cleaner for $5 right? Well, there Taylee Ann (my lovely girlfriend, whom I’ll talk about more in detail at another date) and I were, bull shitting at the cash register when WHAMO, there lies a super small thing of CO2. First they have a elephant sized CO2 can then a hobbit sized one? Touche Wal-mart touche.

OKbacktotherantsorrymyADDjustcroppeduprealquick. Phew. So Wal-mart. If you have any arguments against me about Wal-mart being the center of all that is wrong with America I’ll have to direct you to this hilarious website. I wish more than anything in the world that I would have thought of that first. Not only is that website one that I could spend hours on, it solidifies my point. Just look at the post entitled, “Tell Us How You Really Feel.” The guy is riding the electric cart and has a shirt that says, “I HATE QUEERS.” Yes, in all caps.

It get’s even funnier. The quote underneath the picture, I’m assuming from one of the two 20-something brothers who started the website said, “What type of incident has to go down for you to get motivated enough to go out and get a custom shirt made with “I Hate Queers” written on it?” LAUGH OUT LOUD FUNNY!!!

I love going to Wal-mart, and don’t even start passing a judgment on me. Honestly, where else can you go to get a quadruple pack of deodorant, a brand new Huffy bicycle, an oil change, a pack of Mike and Ikes, and lice all at the same time? You’d have to drive all over town to get all that shit in one day. Not at Wally’s World my friends,you get all of it.

Then, when you’ve accumulated the above items in your cart and scalp, you can use the self checkout. Oh hell, don’t get me started on self checkouts. I think there should be a rule, one simple rule, that if you’re slightly dyslexic, hard of hearing, or down right a fool, you can’t use the self checkout. The other day I’m in Target (I know, how dare I saw Wal-mart and Target in the same post), and was behind a lady who must have been born at age 45. Not only was the machine talking to her, the big rectangle was saying TOUCH HERE TO SKIP BAGGING OF THIS ITEM.

Which she didn’t do — she didn’t put the item in bag so the damn thing wouldn’t recognize the weight on the sensor. I was so intrigued I didn’t help her. I’m an ass I know, but I was having too much fun. She looked at me and I just shrugged my shoulders and watched the madness unfold. The teller lady, who couldn’t have had longer, nastier natural fingernails, came to the rescue.

Again, you must be able to read, hear, and put your items in the bag or push skip bagging. It’s not tough, but it is funny. Actually, I take all that back because I wouldn’t have been as entertained had a normal person been in front of me.

Do you feel like you just wasted 3 minutes of your life reading that? Watch this totally awesome video to waste 3:46 more minutes of your life. You’ll never, ever get that 3:46 back. You can thank me later.

I’m done being  a jerk for today. Here’s your SOTD. I had to think about this one for a minute tonight. I couldn’t come up with anything and then WHAM! It hit me. I saw Tyrone Wells with Tay last week (she surprised me with the best concert I’ve ever been to), and he sang Sink or Swim during that concert and I just couldn’t hear it enough.

So I ask you, friend. Will you wreck your ship or sail away forever more? I choose sailing. Thanks, Taylee Ann.

Happy Monday friends.

PS if you didn’t get directed, by me, from Facebook, go there now to see pictures of this Taylee Ann I speak of.

Cheers!

9-11-09 Not 01

My man, looking like an idiot.

I know for a fact that 99% of us remember 9-11-01. I know that I was in my old house in Orem, heading to High School English when my mom said we’ve been attacked by planes. Probably terrorists. I was in that High School English class when I said I thought it was cool we’d be going to war.

I feel like an idiot to this day. Who in their right mind would say that? An idiot that’s who. I bet you $1000 someone in that class remembers the name Nick Winder because I said the World Trade Center attacks were cool. I’m sure that those families that were ripped apart would spit on my grave if they knew what I said.

It didn’t help that for a class in college my group was assigned 9-11-01 for a group project. My gut wrenched with every group meeting, every research page I looked up, and especially during the presentation itself. I could have crawled in a hole and died. And if you know me well, you’ll know that I won’t say that very often about anything.

Fast forward 8 years. 9-11-09 is what I really want to talk about. 9-11-09 is the day that I found out my little brother, my best friend, one of the people I’d freely give my life for, is freely giving his to people who don’t understand, won’t understand, don’t appreciate, and won’t appreciate what he is doing right now. 9-11-09 is the day I heard he has his combat patch now. The patch that basically says he’s taken fire, given fire, and could be in a frenzy right now — right as I’m writing an insignificant blog post he could be fighting for his life. For our lives.

My eyes still swell up with tears every time I hear our national anthem played. I see my little brother driving that tank, sleeping on that cot with a dirty face and hands, with a pallet of water next to him – and only for him – because of 130 degree heat, and with a gun in his hand. I’ll never be able to thank him, I’ll only be able to be his friend. He showed me how much he cared and someday it will be my turn to return the favor. And return it I will.

Until that day I’ll miss his little ass. I’ll wait to be able to sneak up behind him while he’s on the computer and scare the shit out of him, laugh hysterically, and have him kick my in the ribs violently. I’ll wait to drive down state street and scream You Don’t Even Notice Me at the top of our lungs. Until then I’ll wait, patiently, for my best friend to come back and ride dirt bikes with me.

I’ll just wait, my man.

Onions on a bruise!?!

Before the onions

After the Onions

There I was, bruised, battered, and beaten in Lake Powell. I’m not shitting you I was on the houseboat for less than two hours before I managed to hurt myself.

Before I tell you that story, I’ll fill you in on my hospital trip 3 weeks ago today.

I love my dirt bike like you wouldn’t believe. You know that one thing — that one thing in life that just makes you happy every single time? When you’re stressed, sad, mad, hurt… You can do that one thing and everything seems to disappear, even if just for a moment? My dirt bike is that one thing for me.

Here’s the catch – the big catch. I either hurt myself or hurt my bike 90% of the time I ride. It’s expensive, painful, and so much fun! I’ve only been two times this year when I haven’t hurt myself or my bike. I need shoulder surgery after attempting a table top of 100 feet long. I’ve already replaced my engine cover but need a new one because I punched another hole in it. And now, I have a 3 inch long and 1 inch deep chip out of my frame.

So, three weeks ago I’m riding on a single track (a very skinny trail made for walking and biking) with a friend. The trail started in some very technical, slow going terrain, so when it finally opened up so did I. I laid into the throttle, pulled into a wheel stand, and maintained that wheel stand into second then into third gear. BAD IDEA. By the time I put the front wheel back down I had to have been doing at least 40 MPH and had a quick decision to make. Right, or left? Right, or left? SHIT. I can’t go right, even though it’s the most used trail.

I went left. Left had a rock the size of a small car. Now that I writing about it I realize I pulled another wheelie to try to miss the rock… I didn’t miss it.

Next thing my happy ass knows I’m on top of my bike and my side feels like I just got shanked in prison. I didn’t dare look because I knew it wasn’t pretty. I felt a twinge in my leg but didn’t think much of it. So, on I rode! Three hours later and after a short break, I tried to get back on my bike and realized my side wasn’t in good shape. I went around a small turn and just dropped my bike. My side was killing me.

We went back to the truck and went home. I was feeling it, but wasn’t in too bad of shape. After my shower my side/back felt like hell and my stomach started to hurt. I knew that internal bleeding is nothing to jack with, so I took an Lortab. . I thought I’d be all better. Then I saw my leg.

My inner shin looked like someone had delicately placed a cue ball in my leg. Nice and easily shoved that sucker in there and sowed me up. So here I am, thinking I have a broken leg and internal bleeding. Longer story short mom made me go to the hospital.

No broken leg, no internal bleeding. Just my pride was hurt from showing up in the Emergency Room with nothing wrong.

Fast forward 2 weeks. Leg is still bruised as hell. Side is getting better but still hurts to sneeze, and I’m in Lake Powell. First thing I do is get on a wave runner. Stupid. I can’t sit on it because it hits my now small lump on my leg. I have to stand. Standing and turning as sharp as possible at 53 MPH is impossible — which is why I flew off and hit my inner thigh on the handlebar. It is not the coolest bruise you’ll ever see, but it is pretty gnarly. See?

Only a few minutes later I jacked my ear up diving off the houseboat. Actually I was attempting a one and a half dive. Yes, I’m graceful like that. To flip once followed by a dive. Graceful enough to belly flop that is. It was fun though.

Someone at Powell told me that if you put onions on a nasty bruise you will have no more bruise in 5 hours. Liars. I still have a bruise.

If anyone tries this will you let me know how YOURS turned out? I think maybe mine was just to big.

Happy Friday friends!

PS I’m the worlds biggest moron when I comes to computers so I’m trying to figure out how to post pictures on this thing… Standby I’ll get it sooner or later.

YouTube again!

Here’s the second video tour.

I’m off to Lake Powell for the weekend. Don’t miss me too much. I’m sure I’ll have new ROTD’s for you. SOTD’s aren’t hard at all.

In fact, this weekend is a good weekend for Ziggy Marley. Check this out. What do you think about that message? Huh? What a good song yeah? Don’t worry, it will only be in your head all day.

Happy Friday.
Happy Labor Day Weekend!

If You Weren’t Born a Man…

If you weren’t born a man you can’t become one. As much as I wish I had a great post about sex changes, I don’t. This has nothing to do with transvestites, it’s all about the guy I saw on the freeway today.

Who knows what a Ford Ranger is? Can I tell you that it’s not really a truck? It’s not even a crossover wannabe truck. It’s like a… a… a car turned retarded. What can you haul or tow with that thing? Half a wave runner? Next time, either get a car, or get a truck. Not a half truck.

So there I was, just trying to get to my destination when I see a Ford Ranger. Not any Ford ranger, my friends. Oh no no no. This sucker was jacked up, had crazy tires on it, and dual exhaust. I would have been cool with the dual exhaust had the dude not put 5 inch tips on there. Seriously bro? Your half truck has maybe 200 horses. 5 inch tips won’t help ya.

Jacking up half trucks is probably worse than putting cow balls on your trailer hitches. Don’t do that. Just stop. I saw another one of those today too. Oh and on Tuesday I saw the perfect example of the little dudes that drive those jacked up trucks.

This dude was probably 5′8, way overweight, balding (I’m not making fun, I know my day is coming) … (screw that yes I’m making fun) and had the biggest Ford I’ve seen in a while. No, it wasn’t a ranger, it was one of those Tonka lookin’ trucks. WTF do you need that for pal? Oh, and when he grabbed the steering wheel, his fingers could hardly wrap around it… OHHHH buddy do I wish I could have snapped a photograph!

OK enough ranting, time to recommend a song. Today is the day for a shout out to my lil’ brother. Every time I hear this song I remember him, because he’s who introduced me to it. It’s The Bartender Song by Rehab. I listen to it all the time. I hooked my momo’s up with the edited version. Look up the original if F words don’t offend you — it’s a hell of a lot better.

Enjoy.

Oh, I almost forgot, Happy Thursday!

You didn’t feel deprived did you?!?!

No, I didn’t forget to put down the ROTD — I just couldn’t put it in there with some work related things. Could you imagine a conservative Mormon Mother looking at my posted videos, then seeing an ROTD about how retarded I think these “America’s Got Talent” or “So You Think You Can Dance” are?

As I lay here with my busted up leg elevated, my pops is watching America’s Got Talent andwatching yet another guy try to make a pretty girl disappear. Dude, did you not see David Copperfield doing that 20 years ago? Oh, and it wasn’t a pretty girl, it was a damn AIRPLANE!

The show is a rip off of American Idol as are all the others. You no agree? Mmmmk pumpkin, we have a British guy (Simon) who rips on people, and a nice lady (Paula, who didn’t get enough money for next season) who is nice to everyone all the time –  and then you have Hasselhoff. Oh Hasselhoff. Are you really hurting that bad? Or is NBC trying that hard? Enough said.

How about another OTD. I’m gonna start throwing a Song of the Day on here with every post. I’ll keep them as clean as I am able. If the choice is a little explicit I’ll link something with a little editing for all my favorite followers. Today’s SOTD is from The Killers. Yes, mom, you can listen to them. The song is Mr. Brightside . I dig that song!

Confession. I’m watching the show with my pop and not against my will. So I’m a serious hypocrite and am enjoying watching this guy throw Frisbee’s to his dog. At least I can admit it though.

Happy Tuesday again.